Black Angels
by Kurt's Anatomy
Summary: After everybody finds out about his feelings for Jace, Alec faces a downwards spiral towards rock bottom, but could the alluring Magnus Bane be the answer to his troubles?
1. Of Shy Smiles And Lullabies

Chapter 1- Of Shy Smiles and Lullabies

* * *

Alec watched Isabelle walk away from him and he couldn't help the despair and regret punch into him like a clenched fist. Clary had observed him unevenly before escorting Jace to his quarters. Jace hadn't even looked at him.

He couldn't tell whether he _wanted_ Jace to look at him.

What the memory demon had revealed was definitely true, Alec had no doubts about that, but it wasn't something he wanted everybody to be privy to. He had denied the best he could, but the demon wasn't about to lie. Alec knew that he could try to spin that angle in front of everybody, but there wasn't much point when they already believed the inevitable truth.

His foot shot out in front of him and connected with the wall in front of him.

There was also Isabelle to think of. She had allowed the demon to sacrifice a memory of him as the one she loved the most and he thought of Jace. True, he couldn't have helped it, but the deep pool of self-hatred was there, festering in his gut like a bad infection. How was he going to talk to Jace again, with all of his stupid _feelings_ getting in the way of everything.

Why had he let go? That had been so _stupid_ of him, but he just needed a moment to breathe. Everything was becoming too much. His secret was out and there was no way to reel it back in. He had seen the affronted look on Jace's face and that had definitely hurt. Isabelle looked sad, though more pitying than anything else. Clary looked confused, which wasn't a rare expression for her to wear. And then there was Magnus Bane.

Alec didn't know how to feel about Magnus Bane. He was most definitely charming and undeniably attractive, but he seemed like too much of a loose cannon. Should his feelings for Jace completely evaporate, Magnus didn't seem like a bad idea to Alec. He knew that Magnus knew how he felt about Jace right from the start. He had seen it in Alec's expression and that frightened him.

The warlock seemed to know more than he was being told. The parabatai, now Alec thought about it, could have been a giveaway, but his feelings were unrequited and Jace was showing signs of being into Clary.

His eyes darkened at the thought of the newest Shadowhunter at the institute. Alec didn't know whether it was a biased reaction about Jace's affection towards her, or just a disdain for her as a person. He saw how she obviously ignored Simon's feelings for her while openly embracing Jace and it made Alec actually feel sad for the mundane. They were in love with two people who were in love with each other and he supposed it made them allies. Not in the literal sense of the word, but they were in the same boat, so to speak. He hadn't _loathed_ Simon after all. Even though he spluttered awkwardly a lot, he had a modicum of logical reasoning about him, which wasn't the worst trait to have.

"You're still here," a contemplative voice rang out across the hallway. Alec looked up from his silent spiels, locking eyes with Magnus Bane as the rancour drained from his heart, seeping through the air and dissipating as if it had never been there at all. Maybe that was a warlock thing, or maybe it was just a _Magnus_ thing.

Alec swallowed heavily. "I could say the same about you."

"Ah, I thought I would stick around for a little while. See how you were doing. That was rather intense in there with the memory demon."

"No, it wasn't," Alec shook his head, "it was _lying_."

Magnus smiled. "I was referring to the tornado that almost devoured your…friend, Jace. I assume your _parabatai_ bond would have made that awful for you."

Alec just nodded glumly. "Yeah."

"Do you regret it? Forming the bond?"

"No," Alec said immediately. "Not at all. I'll admit that it's hard sometimes, but…I don't even know why I'm talking to you about this. You're not a Shadowhunter."

"That I am not. Irregardless, I do not wish to pass up the chance to talk further with you. Pretty boys like you don't come around as often as you might think," Magnus smirked.

Alec gaped, stunned. "So you _were_ talking to me earlier?"

"Of course," Magnus shrugged, "your friend is…passable, but I simply find _you_ exquisite."

"I can't say that I know how to respond to that."

"You do not have to. I merely wished to pay you a compliment. You can just accept it with a smile."

As if Magnus was forcing him to, Alec grinned. It was as though his mouth had manoeuvred itself into the expression without first consulting his brain. Alec doubted that it was magic, but he couldn't be sure. Magnus smiled back and turned to walk away.

Alec rolled his eyes. "Hey, wait! Did you do that just now?"

Magnus frowned. "I'm not sure what you mean."

"I smiled."

"Yes, that is a common concept, even amongst Shadowhunters."

"Not what I mean. I didn't control it; it just happened."

Magnus shook his head fondly. "You must be _happy_ , Alec. Run with it. I have to leave now, but keep smiling. Things will get better, I'll promise. I will definitely be seeing you soon."

Alec gave up all pretence and smiled genuinely at Magnus' retreating back. Maybe his eyes lingered too long on his ass, maybe they didn't. "Hey, Magnus?"

Magnus turned around yet again. "Yes, dear?"

"Thanks. For, you know, not looking at me differently than you did a few hours ago."

Magnus shrugged. "That would be the pot calling the kettle black, wouldn't it? Nevertheless, I will always look at you in one very specific way, that is, with lusting and admiring eyes. Farewell, Alec Lightwood."

Alec chuckled at Magnus' ability to be both flippant and deadly serious at the same time and wondered how long it had taken him to hone that particular ability and if it confounded others as much as it did him. "Magnus Bane," he whispered under his breath.

"Alec?" A grating voice probed from behind him. Sighing, and stepping out of his Magnus bubble, Alec turned around.

"Clary."

"I don't want to bother you, but Jace wants to talk to you, if that's okay."

Alec shook his head, a wide smile overtaking his moue of disapproval. "We're _parabatai_ , if Jace wants to speak with me, he can come and seek me out on his own initiative without it being done by his girlfriend."

She blinked heavily. "I'm not Jace's girlfriend!"

"You may as well be. I'm never seen him so moon-eyed over somebody before. Well done," he added sarcastically.

Clary sighed. "I suppose this clears up the reason you've been so bitter towards me since I got here."

Alec rolled his eyes because she _just_ didn't get it. "I have no problem with you and Jace… _bonding_ or whatever it is you're currently doing. I'm affronted to think that you would think that my feelings towards you were born out of petty jealousy, which is absolutely not the case."

"Jace explained it to me. The _parabatai_ bond. It means that you can't have romantic feelings towards each other."

He frowned. "You've finally learned something. I don't understand the intention, though. Were you supposed to sound smug, but you definitely missed the mark with that one."

Clary shook her head, exasperated with Alec. "I was just telling you that I understood the bond, nothing more. It's clear that we're not going to get along for the foreseeable, so I'm going to go and find Simon for a while. You should talk to him, Alec."

"He knows where I am," Alec snapped before turning on his heel and striding down the hall towards his bedroom.

As far as he was concerned, the ball was in Jace's court. Not by choice, but it landed there. Whether he liked it or not, Alec's feelings and sexuality were out there in the open for them all to see and that had inadvertently been his move. He knew that he needed to talk to Jace at some point. Even now, he supposed that Jace could feel his angst and he could feel _something_ from Jace's end indicative of bemusement or something of the sort. A conversation would get things rolling, but Alec's pride prevented him from initiating it. It would definitely be awkward but, as Magnus had suggested, it would get better.

He sighed as he turned the corner, thinking about the hold that Magnus seemed to have over him. Was it magic? Alec didn't know, but he didn't think it was. Maybe a natural charm that Magnus possessed, but not any sort of spell. A metaphorical one, maybe, but nothing arcane anyway. Magnus' face and voice flitted conspicuously through Alec's mind as he walked, clearing his mind of Jace and of Clary. Fleetingly, he thought of his sister and knew that talking to her would also be a good idea, but Alec didn't know if he was quite ready for that or not.

He flopped against his bed, staring straight at the ceiling and wondered if there was a way to just turn his feelings off, so that he would feel at peace. He did meditate a lot, but he knew that his mind was just too full of, well, everything for him to properly settle down and do it.

In the end, Alec decided to just close his eyes, concentrate on his breathing and hope that his mind would shut off, just for a little while. Just long enough that everything would _stop_.


	2. Sing Me A Happy Ending

Chapter 2- Sing Me A Happy Ending

* * *

Alec woke to an alarming tightness in his chest. His breath came clipped and uneven, like he had been running. He wasn't able to remember his dream and he didn't really think that he wanted to. In his current state, Alec figured that his subconscious wouldn't be much different to how he was feeling. He frowned as he realised he was tucked neatly under the thick blankets that adorned his bed. When had _that_ happened? The last thing Alec remembered was closing his eyes and being fully on top of his bed.

"I did that for you," Isabelle's voice answered his unspoken question. Alec sighed, having not noticed her standing by the window, filing her nails. "You looked tired so I tried not to wake you."

Alec nodded, mumbling a quick expression of gratitude as he slipped out of the bed, stretching his aching and tired muscles. "How long was I out?"

She shrugged in response. "Fifteen hours, give or take maybe. It's ten in the morning. I was going to bring you some food but you seemed like you needed the rest."

"Yeah, I did," Alec replied, his chin tucked just next to his shoulder as he loosened himself up, arm stretched across his body. "Thanks for not waking me."

"What else are sisters for?"

Alec shoved his hands into his pockets, hoping to think of a conversation topic starter that would allow him to smoothly bypass the events of the previous day. He came up short. Isabelle sensed his discomfort a mile away.

"Look, Alec, I'm not going to pry, I promise. I just want to know that you're okay," she spoke softly, more so than Alec had ever really heard her.

He exhaled shakily and blinked away the pain that threatened to unleash itself upon his body. "Everything's fucked up, Izzy."

Isabelle stepped forward and embraced him as his knees slackened, letting himself go to the reality he was facing. "You're okay," she soothed repeatedly, rubbing his back in slow circular motions. He planted his face onto her shoulder and trembled, not used to given in so freely to his emotions. It rarely happened because he was the oldest. He was supposed to protect Isabelle…and Jace. And now Clary, apparently. This was one time when Alec knew that he couldn't just block everything out and focus on a mission.

Everything he had been working so hard to overcome had just exploded in his face, not even giving him time to escape from the shrapnel that plummeted down and trapped him so that he couldn't move, couldn't _breathe_. His sobs echoed through the room and it was painful for Isabelle to hear, seeing as she rarely witnessed her brother's loose emotions. In a way, it was a good thing that he was releasing them. It meant that Alec may able to be less stoic and actually allow himself to feel things.

To Isabelle, feelings were the only things that told her she was alive. When she laughed, when she cried, when she was angry. She would feel and then know that everything would be okay, because she was still intact. However battered and bruised Alec felt, things would look up soon enough.

"It's going to be okay, Al," she muttered once again as he pushed himself away from her.

His eyes were dark and red, stained with the anguish he was feeling. In this moment, Isabelle thought that it was pretty unfair for Jace to know that he was feeling like this, seeing as Alec wouldn't really want him to come and help at the moment. She would _definitely_ have to keep Clary away from him for a while, while he was upset. Clary triggered all sorts of emotions for him and it wasn't good at all. Isabelle didn't actually know whether Alec's feelings were the root of the problem, or whether it was just an innate dislike of the girl. Either way, she didn't think that Alec was the type of person to judge a person because of their relationship with another. It was likely to be heading that way and Isabelle wasn't sure if Alec was ready to see that. She didn't think so.

"I'm good," Alec mumbled, wiping his eyes with the heels of his hands.

"Do you need me to do anything?" She asked helpfully.

He shook his head. "Notify me if anything happens regarding Valentine or the Mortal Cup, won't you?"

"Of course."

Alec nodded. "Thanks, Izzy. For everything. I'm sorry you had to see me like this."

She chuckled. "It's not like I haven't seen you cry before. We're siblings."

"Yeah, I guess. Hey, I'm sorry about what happened…with the memory demon."

Isabelle averted her eyes just for a second. "That wasn't your fault. And, plus, it's common knowledge that a _parabatai_ bond is something stronger than being brother and sister. You have one and I don't. It's not a big deal, Alec, and I don't want you making it into something in your head, okay? I know you and that's a big part of your inner state of mind. You get a thought and then it snowballs into something bigger than it is."

"I just feel awful that you had to…hang on. Can you figure out which memory was missing? Maybe I can tell you about it, you know, so you didn't _really_ lose anything."

She smiled. "That's sweet of you but, if it's gone, I won't know that it's gone. I'll just presume it didn't happen. It's fine."

"I'm sorry I broke the circle."

"Now _that_ was a dumb thing to do," Isabelle conceded with a grin. "Nobody blames you, you know."

"I _know_ Clary does."

"Not in the way that you think. You should give her a little more credit, Alec." Isabelle was cut off by her phone ringing. "Oh, hold on a second. _Hello_?"

Alec couldn't make out who was calling her, but Isabelle's face twisted into a smirk as she held the phone away from her phone.

"It's Jace. Magnus is here and he wants to see you." Isabelle waited for his reaction.

Alec couldn't help himself but, once again, he was smiling widely because of Magnus Bane. He fought off the movement of his muscles and returned to his default expression with a slight pout from keeping the smile away. The blush that stained his cheeks was a huge giveaway though, he thought. "Tell him to come up."

Isabelle repeated the instruction to Jace and smirked when she hung up. "So… _Magnus Bane_ , huh?"

"Shut up."

"No, I like it," she chuckled, "maybe he'll even make you a little more sophisticated."

"We're not dating, Izzy."

Isabelle held up her hands. "I didn't even say you were. That was on you."

He cringed, sitting down heavily on his bed.

"I'll leave you," Isabelle said, leaving the room, Alec muttering a quick goodbye as she passed.

* * *

Alec waited for a minute or two, splashing his face with some water in an attempt to hide his blotchy eyes. Magnus appeared in his doorway not long afterwards.

"Same clothes as yesterday, I see," he greeted, "someone's been doing something naughty."

Alec looked down stupidly and realised that he was still wearing the same clothes as when he last talked to Magnus yesterday. "Not even slightly. Mind if I change?"

Magnus waved his hand across the room. "Be my guest."

Alec, uncaring of Magnus' presence, opened his wardrobe and switched his thin tee for an undershirt and a thick jumper, knowing that it was getting slightly colder outside. "So how come you decided to stop by?" Alec noted that Magnus' eyes were still flickering to his body as though it was still bare.

"I have enjoyed getting to know you. I thought that I would come over and see how you were doing."

Alec answered the question that he didn't ask in his phrase. "I basically crashed just after you left. Turns out that being outed and having your feelings exposed tires a person out. I'm sorry you have to see me like this." Alec noticed how he had almost repeated his earlier words to his sister and wondered if it was going to become a pattern.

"Like what? Is there something I should be noticing?" Magnus frowned, unsure.

Alec chuckled nervously. "I was…um…crying. My face is all red and—."

"People cry, Alec, it's not an uncommon thing. I cried a few days ago, in fact. A sad animal commercial on the television, I'm sure you know the ones. As for you face, well it is as beautiful as it was yesterday."

He blushed, as though on cue. He wondered whether Magnus simply said these things just to trigger a reaction from him. "I'm not," he mumbled.

"I would be hard-pressed to find a person who didn't think so. I notice you take issue with people complimenting you."

Alec shrugged. "They're just opinions. I know who I am and it sometimes clashes with perceptions of me. So I don't pay attention to them."

"Fair point," Magnus shrugged, "as beauty is in the eye of the beholder, as they say. But I've lived for more than four hundred years and I have never seen somebody as appealing to the beholder's eye as you. Now you're going to tell me that my eyesight is declining or something."

"I don't exactly look like _you_."

Magnus smiled. "And thank goodness for that. As aesthetically pleasing as you are, you would look silly with this hairstyle and this outfit."

Alec noticed that Magnus was wearing a plain black shirt and pants with a golden cloak layered over it and a strange type of shoe that he had never seen before. "I suppose you're right about that. I'm sorry, I'm not fun company at the moment."

Magnus settled on the bed, absently smoothing down a section of crumpled bedsheet. "I did not come here for a comedy show, Alec. I came to make sure you were alright. And to get you to smile."

Alec swallowed heavily. "You seem to be the only one who can right now."

"An honour I will accept with open arms. But I know how hard things like this can be and I wanted you to know that you can talk to me about it."

"Thank you. I'm not particularly good at talking about my feelings, but if I ever need to I'll come straight to you."

Magnus nodded with a smile. "Well, I hope that's not an empty promise, Mr. Lightwood. How do you feel about going for some brunch with me?"

Alec was slightly taken aback as to the forwardness that Magnus possessed and blinked in surprise. "Brunch? Y-Yeah, brunch is good. I assume you meant now?"

Alec was disrupted by a knock at the door.

"Maybe in a few minutes," Magnus muttered before leaving the room, winking.

"Okay. Thanks, Magnus."

"No problem."

Alec shuffled awkwardly as Jace lingered by the door.

"Can I come in? I want to talk to you."

* * *

 **Author's Note: This chapter was not supposed to written for at least another few weeks, but my Alec muse demanded that I sit down and write for him. I'm powerless to his authority, really. So, another chapter for you all! Thank you for every alert, favourite or review that I get! It means a lot! This is also posted on AO3 like all of my works under the same name! Not that I'm asking you to read it on two different websites...but yeah. A review would be greatly appreciated!**


	3. Touching The Sky

**I feel like this is the point where Jace becomes slightly AU, if only for a little while, just to create more angst for Alec (don't worry, my baby will definitely be happy in this story…)**

Chapter 3- Touching The Sky

* * *

 _Alec shuffled awkwardly as Jace lingered by the door._

" _Can I come in? I want to talk to you."_

Alec nodded. "Yeah."

Jace dipped his head and entered the room, acting like he hadn't been in that very room a million times over just talking about different trivial Shadowhunter things. "I don't really know where to start."

Alec shrugged. "Is it really that complex?"

Jace sighed. "Yeah, Alec, it kinda is. I mean, it explains why you've been bitter towards Clary, and I think that—."

"Whoa, wait a second. What you found out yesterday has nothing to do with how I feel about _her_. She's the one putting us all in danger by being Valentine's _daughter_ , Jace."

Jace narrowed his eyes. "And that's her fault? Valentine has her mother and we can help her."

"I didn't say it _was_ her fault, I'm just pointing out the danger. And I think you should be questioning why you're really doing it. Protecting her. I don't want Valentine to get the Mortal Cup."

"Me neither, obviously. I just want Clary to be safe as well."

"That all you want?" Alec rounded on him sharply.

"I know you're angry, Alec, but I don't think that this is my fault."

Alec scoffed. "Of _course_ it's not your fault! How could it _possibly_ be Jace Wayland that has done something wrong?"

Jace hardened. "What is _that_ supposed to mean?"

"Oh, you know what it means. It _means_ that you can never do anything wrong. In everyone's eyes, you're infallible. My own mother likes you better than she likes me and Izzy. Everyone looks to you like you're the world."

Jace sighed loudly. "Can we please stick to one issue at a time?"

"Sure."

"Let's just put it out there. You're in love with me."

Alec just nodded, powerless to the face he found it so difficult to lie to.

"Right. I can deal with that, I think. I mean, we're parabatai. I love you too."

"Don't. Don't say that, please," Alec choked, unable to deal with the situation, emotions crawling up his throat and wanting to be expelled in any way possible.

"Okay, I can do that. So what happens now?"

Alec shrugged. "We go on as we always have. Nothing was different when you had no idea. Why should things change now?"

"Because, Al, it's…just strange. I'm not used to this."

"What if it was Izzy?"

"What?"

Alec wanted to pull his hair out. "What if it was Isabelle feeling things for you…and you were parabatai."

Jace shrugged. "I guess it wouldn't change things…"

Alec felt a wall of hurt crash down over him, more than he could bear. "I see."

"Alec, hey, I didn't mean that. I just—."

Alec was about to interrupt him, but found that he didn't need to. Magnus fluttered in from behind Jace and coughed.

"Jace, perhaps it's a good idea you give Alec some time alone. I don't imagine that he wants to listen to you right now."

Jace put his hands on his hips. "Since when did _you_ gain the right to tell _me_ what to do, warlock?"

Magnus' mouth tightened. "Since you evidently stopped giving a damn about Alec. You may be parabatai, but I can sense emotions magnificently well, especially when they're familiar. You're upsetting him and if you can't see that then that's on _you_. Alec?"

Alec couldn't look up, mumbling the words he couldn't say to Jace's face. The face that meant that he would crumble. "Go."

Jace shook his head, clearly irritated, and complied, storming from the room muttering something about warlocks.

"Thank you," Alec said, swallowing heavily to try and rid himself of the pain he was feeling.

Magnus shrugged. "You needed help. I was able to give it. Besides, I don't think that I could have gone on listening to him any longer."

"He's not usually like this. I mean, I thought that he would be…"

"More accepting?" Magnus finished for him.

"Well, yeah. So much for the unconditional love of the parabatai," Alec spat bitterly.

"Still up for some brunch? Some food might help you to take your mind off things."

Alec paused. "Yeah. I could really go for some food right now. Do you have anywhere in mind?"

"I might have," Magnus replied. "It's a very nice place. I only invite my favourite people there. Shall we?"

Alec was suddenly very aware that he hadn't showered. He didn't smell, but he didn't smell _nice_ either. "Eh…you mind if I shower first?"

Magnus smiled pointedly. "Alec, I would wait years for you if I had to."

Alec found himself smiling again, but this time he knew what he was doing. He knew that he wanted to smile. It was much more simple than resisting. Magnus gave him a reason to smile when all else seemed dark. "I shouldn't be too long."

Alec walked across the room, stripping off his shirt as he went. He grabbed a towel and stepped behind the frosted glass of his private bathroom. He continued to strip before stepping into the shower, letting the hot spray wash away his pain. Or, at least, _try_ to. Jace seemed to be everywhere: in his head, clinging to his skin and his muscles. The feeling of being not only rejected, but disapproved of was not something that Alec wanted tainting his skin.

Magnus smirked and raised a perfectly shaped eyebrow. "I definitely do not mind waiting."

* * *

Jace looked up as his bedroom door opened. Expecting Clary, his mouth tightened when Isabelle stormed in. Jace rather thought he would have preferred it to have been Simon rather than the fiery Lightwood girl at this moment in time.

"What the hell is your problem, Jace?"

Jace frowned. "I don't know what you mean."

"Oh, save it. I heard every word you said to Alec. Saying that it bothers you that he likes men, that it's _strange_? He's your brother, Jace!"

"And he's in love with me," Jace hissed back, "how am I supposed to take that?"

Isabelle sighed. "You're _supposed_ to be understanding because, no matter what, you love Alec unconditionally. Where he goes, you go, right? Or is that all different now because of who he is attracted to?"

Jace shook his head angrily. "Izzy, stop! I understand that he can't choose who he loves. I just…need some time to process this, okay? It's not just something I can get on board with without thinking about it."

"You're an ass," Isabelle scowled. "It shouldn't be down to Magnus Bane to make Alec feel even remotely happy these days."

"Alec's not exactly the happiest person, Izz."

She groaned. "Is this because of Clary? She's a big girl, Jace, she can fight her own battles. You shouldn't be resenting Alec just because he doesn't like her. I get that you have feelings for her and that's all well and good but don't let that overshadow how you feel about Alec. What's going on between him and Clary is about more than just you, Jace. Give them time to sort out their issues and stop trying to fight for Clary."

"I guess you might be right."

"No, you _know_ I'm right. I'll give you some time to sort your life out. When Alec gets back from brunch with Magnus, I expect you to apologise."

Jace swallowed. "You've never sounded more like Maryse than you did just then."

"Bite me," Isabelle shot back, a grin quirking at her lips. She left the room, seeing Alec and Magnus leaving the Institute together. Alec was _laughing_ at something that Magnus had said. As far as Isabelle was concerned, anybody that could make her brother openly laugh like that was somebody she wanted around.

And she had a distinct feeling that he was going to be around a lot more in the near future.


End file.
